"Employees do not respect me."
Gain authority without losing the power struggle.
Employees don't respect me – here's how to assert yourself.
Do you know the feeling? An employee publicly questions your decisions and undermines your position in front of the team. Here, you will learn how to command respect without entering into a destructive power struggle.
Why Some Employees Do Not Acknowledge Authority
You give a clear directive and immediately notice: he doesn’t take you seriously. Perhaps he rolls his eyes, questions your decision in front of others, or makes comments like, "That won’t work." You can feel your authority crumbling in front of the entire team.
It becomes especially frustrating when this employee is technically competent and has been with the company longer than you. He seizes every opportunity to demonstrate his greater experience and implies that you are unqualified to give him instructions.
People like Michael often have a very clear idea of who "deserves" a leadership position. They respect hierarchy only when it is based on experience, expertise, or seniority. In their view, younger leaders or career changers must first prove themselves.
The problem is: if you don’t respond, he interprets your silence as weakness. If you react too emotionally or uncertainly, it only reinforces his judgment about your lack of leadership qualifications. It’s a vicious cycle that you can only break with the right strategy.
Here's how the conversation could go.
Two ways to address a lack of respect.
The typical mistake
You address Michael regarding his disrespectful behavior in the meeting.
Michael, I've noticed that you often question my decisions in front of the team. This undermines my position.
With all due respect, but you are not familiar with this area. I have been working in this field for 8 years—do you have any experience with it?
That's not the point. I am the leader here, and I expect my decisions to be respected.
Respect must be earned. I know how to do it right, and I will continue to speak my mind.
Michael sees your uncertainty and will not change his behavior.
A better approach.
You address Michael directly and objectively about his behavior.
Michael, your expertise is invaluable to the team. However, I need discussions about decisions to take place in one-on-one conversations, not in front of the team.
I've already done that while you were still studying. I'm simply sharing how it works in practice.
That's exactly why I want to leverage your experience. Come to me first, and together we can find the best solution. Public criticism weakens us both.
Alright, that makes sense. However, I expect my concerns to be acknowledged as well.
Michael feels valued and is ready to respect the framework.
Michael Berger
ESTJ – "The Traditionalist"38 years • Team Lead
Michael is competent, direct, and used to his opinion mattering. He only respects leaders who, in his opinion, deserve to be above him – and those are few. With younger or non-specialist supervisors, he openly shows his contempt.
Typical phrases: "With respect, but you don't know this area.", "I was doing this when you were still in college."
💡 This personality type frequently causes the leadership problem ""Employees do not respect me."".
Dealing with Disrespectful Employees
What works with dominant personalities like Michael.
Recommended Strategies
Proven approaches for effective leadership
Acknowledge his expertise explicitly.
Dominant types need to feel that their competence is recognized.
Establish clear procedural guidelines.
Explain HOW criticism should be expressed, not WHETHER it should be expressed.
Stay factual and assertive.
He interprets emotional reactions as confirmation of your weakness.
Leverage his experience strategically.
Involve him in decision-making processes before they become public.
Take action in response to boundary violations.
Dominant personalities push boundaries – be consistent.
Pitfalls to Avoid
Common pitfalls and how to avoid them
"Please do not seek respect."
This only reinforces his assessment that you are weak.
Justify your position.
Justifications signal uncertainty in a leadership role.
Ignore his behavior.
He interprets silence as consent to his behavior.
Question his expertise.
This leads to a power struggle that you can only lose.
Get emotional or personal.
Emotional reactions affirm his judgment of your leadership qualifications.
In our AI role-playing games, you can practice various conversation scenarios. Each character responds realistically to your word choice, allowing you to learn what truly works.
Frequently Asked Questions about this Leadership Challenge
Other leaders are wondering the same thing.
How can I identify if my employee has an ESTJ personality type?
Why doesn't my employee respect my authority – is it intentional?
How do I prepare for a conversation with a disrespectful employee?
How can I best initiate the conversation without my employee shutting down immediately?
What should I do if my employee continues to respond disrespectfully during the conversation or questions my competence?
What happens after the conversation – what should I keep in mind?
Does such a conversation actually help, or will it only make things worse?
When is a conversation no longer sufficient – when should I involve HR?
How does AI training for challenging employee conversations work?
Is an AI role-play truly comparable to a real employee conversation?
How much time should I allocate for training?
Where can I find more information about the ESTJ personality type as a leader?
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